World chess federation ends “fraud by draw agreement” to move 40/declares 2 hours flat/40 move time control /NEVER ANY TIME ADDED …

ALSO declares knockout ELIMINATION in all world candidate/final world title match

Photo credit: Edward Webb

This just in from the brand new Lausanne, Switzerland World Chess Federation (FIDE) headquarters: “Fraud by draw offer agreement “ of the recent monstrous 12 game draw (tie) sicko slumber fest … the so called World Championship chess match Carlsen-Caruana was banned forever today … it is all over … all knockout rounds instantly become win or die round elimination for all world championship candidates tourneys …. then a final 14 game 2 player world title slugfest. Only the arbiter/referee may declare a draw under any circumstances … MAY EVEN BY PERSONAL CHOICE force continued game play as a further test rather than make a decision of any kind! The world chess body still made one terrible mistake … it added two more games to this already horrific just unwatchable world title marathon, 14 in all.

Needed: Ten games tops for intense world chess 185 nation world chess championship broadcast/two fierce games a day at one hour total time control for each playe /no leaving the chess board ever during play in this alpha zero computer age. Get the whole thing over in 6 days flat. Ideal indeed for now estimated 600 million plus thrilled chess phone app users in 185 chess nations! Players can NOW be instantly forfeited for violating the sharp new chess dress code on camera/declared no contest/forfeited at any time for any suspected prearranged draws. It is now all up to the arbiter. VACATION IS OVER.

— Jude Acers/New Orleans